You know what... fuck studying. Fuck trying to be ... I dont know. whatever the hell it is I'm being lately. Whatever the fuck that is. I dont even know! I know nothing! I have no idea what the hell is going on with anything anymore. Just when I'm having a great time deluding myself that I'm actually going somewhere with this. No~! of course thats not the case. I dont know where I'm going. or where I'm going to end up. probably on the streets. I have no money. I keep spending it on this education that I dont even fucking WANT! what do I want? I dont know. I want to go be a wanderer. I'll just wander through europe or asia for a while. That could work. I'd learn a hell of a lot more than I would learn here in this fucking sugar coated world I get here. I'd appreciate everything so much more if I had nothing. I'd give it all up if I could just feel like I'm doing something worthwhile instead of rotting in this bloody dorm room studying fuckin canadian broadcasting policy. Fuck that man.
If anything the fucking internet has made it all worse. You're now lost in a crowd in the privacy of your own room. thats just fuckin great. Or in my case I'm lost in the whatever the fuck it is of my nonexistant, but nevertheless complicated as all fucking hell love life. wooooooooo hooooo. Gimme a fuckin break. I'm tired of waiting for someone. But you know what? I'll keep waiting. Why? Because I'm a fuckin idiot like that kthx. I'm an idiot to begin with. But an idiot who's in love is a force to be reckoned with. My own stupidity astounds me even more than the illiterate morons on gaia! I actually believe this can work. I have no real reasoning behind this. I mean the odds are stacked against us. But I seem to have this nasty habit of not caring about things that I probably should care about. Like that overdue phonebill and the fact that I need to get my books for next semester and study for this fucking exam on monday.
Hm... strangely... I feel better already...
although that buddhist monk thing still sounds appealing...
nevermind me ^^;;;