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Somehow the words "I don't know what the fuck is going on here" just don't quite cut it. did I mention I fail at life? Did I mention that I seem to have dug myself this bottomless pit innacurately called a love life?
I realize as I look around that I don't know how I got here or where the hell I'm going with anything.
I smell like Indian food. There are ink stains on my desk. My life is one tragic fuck up after another. Some helpful facts of life for you there...
I'm a nerd. I'm fat and ugly. I'm artistic but not creative. Physical intimacy terrifies me like zombie movies never could. I have issues with trust. I either talk too much or not at all and sometimes can come up with a witty comment here and there. I don't understand how someone could find it in themselves to look past all this and love my fat and nerdy ass, not despite it, but because of it. and then they can proceed to love said ass from afar until I get it through my ugly head that they aren't going to use me and then throw me away.
What's even more cruel... is that just when I was about to give up... there was suddenly hope. and that hope is now slowly waning too. Soon I'll have nothing. not even hope. And at the worst, no dignity. No real idea of what I am anymore. Luckily I don't plan on the worst happening. so that leaves me just without hope. But without hope... who the hell cares about anything like dignity and self identity. I do now. no promises about later though.
Can we say "insecure"? Why yes I think we can. all together now! *INSECUUUUUUUUUUUUUURE* wheeeeeeee....
I realize as I look around that I don't know how I got here or where the hell I'm going with anything.
I smell like Indian food. There are ink stains on my desk. My life is one tragic fuck up after another. Some helpful facts of life for you there...
I'm a nerd. I'm fat and ugly. I'm artistic but not creative. Physical intimacy terrifies me like zombie movies never could. I have issues with trust. I either talk too much or not at all and sometimes can come up with a witty comment here and there. I don't understand how someone could find it in themselves to look past all this and love my fat and nerdy ass, not despite it, but because of it. and then they can proceed to love said ass from afar until I get it through my ugly head that they aren't going to use me and then throw me away.
What's even more cruel... is that just when I was about to give up... there was suddenly hope. and that hope is now slowly waning too. Soon I'll have nothing. not even hope. And at the worst, no dignity. No real idea of what I am anymore. Luckily I don't plan on the worst happening. so that leaves me just without hope. But without hope... who the hell cares about anything like dignity and self identity. I do now. no promises about later though.
Can we say "insecure"? Why yes I think we can. all together now! *INSECUUUUUUUUUUUUUURE* wheeeeeeee....
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How do you know Janice? ^o^
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